Saturday, November 18, 2017

I fought to avoid Arriving at a place Where my emotions That you once set in motion Ran dry I loved so deeply I desired so profoundly And I endured so faithfully But the inevitability It overtook me I caught myself And I corrected the resentments Weathering the disappointments And I forgave all the violence You have Once again expired my capacity Just like the others Who loved me and left me My greatest efforts have betrayed The most intentional plans that I laid And love has again Withered and wasted I am for the countless time Left devastated
The alternate realities Between actions and intentions Left me so broken Because when my conscience was heavy Pressing my decisions I let myself grow expectations Of fruitful outcomes Instead I found that often we yield Pain or long consequence Irregardless of your process Of turning convictions into Manifestations

Wednesday, November 8, 2017

I will endure Though the pain is a torrent And sweeps all the others Far off to sea To the place where the waters And red sky meet But I will remain Carved smooth in stone Though the waves and the tides Drag at my feet I am permanent Immovable I can't be persuaded To give into grief
Offer me the world The nations kneeling Cities burned and conquered for me The wealth of countries delivered And loyalty pledged and promised If only I'd shed one tear For the loss of my fallen master I would decline the offer Ill never again cry for you I'd turn away in silence At peace for it is well I'll never grieve your absence And I'll see you in hell

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

There's a graveyard Of fallen father figures That assumed a role And shortly later set it down The void in my identity Left me feeling lost and lonely So I sought a man to stand in the center With his arms spread wide To fill it I wanted validation so on the cusp I lingered Hoping a man would be heroic And come to mend my every trauma But the predators love sad girls With hearts that are scarred from breaking And the penetrating nature of narcissism Loves to find a chasm To fill with degradation When a host craves affection How he caught me up and fooled me The latest of my heartbreaks Was a man larger than a mountain And he dove into my psyche And rearranged my sanity I longed for love and wholeness But all he did was break me

Friday, September 29, 2017

I love you
Insists the man
With his finger
On my trigger
Maybe he's the murderer
Maybe it's me
After all I'm the weapon
Is this
Operater error
Or am I lethal by nature
Am I at fault
For being bipolar
Or should the ones we love
Facilitate our healing
Or is that just enabling
Who should assume responsibility
For the massacre we're generating
The shooter and the pistol
We're both always killing
Don't
Be irratic
He yells
Don't
Disappear into yourself
He demands
Be yourself
He criticizes
Tell the truth
Says the one who refuses to forgive
And never forgets
I'm the house the narcissist built
And he finds me
Inhospitable